My Aunt Jackie
A few weeks ago we lost one of my mother’s last remaining besties, Jackie Barnes.
Aunt Jackie was FUN! She was a people person, who loved to laugh and sing and to make us laugh. When you needed a pick-me-up – heading to her home with lots of children, cookies and peanut butter really warmed your spirit. She loved you no matter what you did, said or wore.
So, it was a poignant moment when all of us, the offspring of this beautiful woman and her dearest friends, gathered in the garden of Kenilworth Union Church to celebrate her life. We shared sweet memories of our childhood and sang the familiar songs our parents taught us around the campfire. As we collectively shared our memories I felt immense gratitude for the web of love and the safety net my mother and her friends wove for all of us.
We were lucky. In the deep recesses of our soul we knew it then and we know it now.
With her passing, it is time for us to take up the mantle. Time for us to pass that legacy of love and care to our children, so it can continue through our lineage.
With that spirit in mind, I asked my friend T-Ann to share her reflections for our annual May post about women. I met T-Ann many years ago. I love her unique gift of helping people harness and uncover their true spirit.
Her reflection about the female journey is described below…
There isn’t much to complain about in the month of May. May is the unsung hero of the year.
In May, I’m not exhausted from family vacations or holiday prep. It isn’t humid and the bugs aren’t biting. May doesn’t hold unattainably high expectations December does. May doesn’t throw pressure the way October does with its flashy need to be decorated and revered. May doesn’t share November’s flat feeling, like cleaning up after a wild party. In stark contrast to August’s heat or February’s soul-sucking darkness, May is all about the sweet and delicate. May sings in Pansies and Violets.
I love May’s big feminine energy.
Looking back over a lifetime of Mays, I recall first communions, weddings, showers, graduations, and long weekends. I’ll be married twenty-nine years this month. Twenty-nine years of joy and hope and heartache. I think of the first Mother’s Day I celebrated as a mom. I think about the baby I miscarried in May, on our tenth wedding anniversary. I think about the many women I’ve lost in increasingly large numbers, who are no longer here on earth to receive their Mother’s Day cards and calls. These women shaped my life in the deepest, most meaningful ways.
My May memories are stuffed to the gills with women. In high school, I got into mischief in May, you know, like accidentally going to Cubs games with friends, instead of going to school. There were all-nighters in May with roommates ahead of college graduations.
May is a gatherer. We gather to celebrate a milestone and we gather to buy flats of flowers for our gardens. We gather for all-you-can-drink rosé sessions to support each other as a child graduates and flies the coup. May gathers us for after-dinner walks and wedding showers. We gather for picnics and parties.
This has been an exhausting year. We’ve seen what connection can do for people. We have witnessed the destructive force of isolation. We have witnessed how challenging isolation can be, and where the kindness of people has shown up to support those alone. There are friendship phone groups for individuals
Research shows our need to maintain connections. For women, connecting with other women is both life-giving and life-saving. Connection increases the release of serotonin and oxytocin, the bonding hormones. Women don’t just experience fight or flight, we also release oxytocin. This surge of oxytocin compels women to ‘tend and befriend’.
From a biological aspect, ‘tend and befriend’ is crucial because it increases our chances of keeping ourselves and our kids (if we have them) safe. How freaking gorgeous is that? To live bodies that thrive when we vent, rally, support, share, laugh, cry, guide, plan, encourage, and talk each other down off life’s ledges? It makes me want to run around and hug everyone…and trust me, when this is all over I will be!
Together, connected, we are happier and healthier.
As the world opens up, we get to reprioritize our life-giving connections with other women. If you told me a year ago I’d be FaceTiming my elderly friends and family, I’d never have believed you. Today we have more options for connecting. We can connect virtually and soon enough, we can gather in groups once again.
And that is the joy and the gift of this year. We have been isolated and still, we have found ways to connect! I love the human spirit.
In honor of May’s feminine energy, to celebrate the light at the end of the pandemic, and to remind my body that I can thrive, this month I’ve committed to ‘tending and befriend’ women every. single. day. If you are up for it, join me. Let’s tend and befriend like our lives depend on it. Because they do.
As you enjoy the discovery of Spring I hope you’ll take a moment to consider T-Ann’s request and let’s celebrate the re-awakening of the world together.
Author’s Note…
T-Ann Pierce is a cognitive-behavioral practitioner, life coach, and writer. She works with girls from nine to ninety, helping them take charge of their lives with confidence, clarity, and joy. To get in touch with T-Ann, visit her websites: t-annpierce.com and theconfidencetriangle.com. You can also follow her on Instagram @tanpiercecoaching or @the.confidence.triangle. Even an hour with T-Ann can be transformational.
Zen Moment
“I am a woman / Phenomenally / Phenomenal woman / That’s me.”
-Maya Angelou
