Reflections on Girlfriends
“I think that, definitely in your 30s and 40s and early 50s, a lot of women can lose sight of each other because the pressures of marriage and family can take over, but I’ve found that in my mom’s generation and for different women I’ve known in their 60s, they’ve seemed to really find each other again, in a significant way. Whether it’s that they got divorced or the kids are grown up, they have all this time again. I’ve known more women in their 60s who have traveled with each other or see each other all the time and hang out all the time. I feel like it can be rediscovered as a primary relationship, maybe later in life.”
– Greta Gerwig
Last week I attended a 60th birthday of a dear friend.
Making my way around the room catching up with old friends and meeting new ones, I leaned in to hear everyone’s stories.
All of them were empty nesters and as Greta Gerwig’s quote illustrates, all of them were trying to discover or in some cases re-discover a part of themselves they left behind. Stories of love and loss, hope and disappointment all gave way to laughter, as we celebrated our friend.
The evening sparked a memory of me as a young bride.
I remember sitting at table during one of my engagement showers hosted by a few of my mother’s closest friends. Brimming with excitement, I was anticipating all of the unexpected adventures that awaited me.
As I looked at all of these beautiful women sitting around the table, it occurred to me that each of them had not only experienced joy, but had also a deep sadness in their life: loss of a child, mental illness, serious health concerns, less than perfect marriages, etc. Yet, in that moment, each of them was joyfully sharing their story. As someone who was to be “joining their club,” they were offering me an entrance into their private world.
Knowing the challenges my own mother experienced and seeing her so light among her friends gave me a glimpse of my future and a path for how to weather the storms that lay ahead.
I didn’t know at that time, that I, too, would have a life filled with much joy and much sadness. I was too young to understand that their stories weren’t unique or unavoidable, but rather the fabric of life.
In today’s hectic pace and with our increasing dependence on Facebook or Instagram, many of us have lost touch with the intimacy my mother and her friends enjoyed. With my own burgeoning business, I have begun to find myself skipping through the day and catching up with my old friends through a series of emoticons.
So as I begin one of my favorite seasons in Chicago I’ve decided that this summer will be different. I’m going to carve out time each day to find my Zen outside of the business and devote more time to nourishing one of my life’s most beautiful blessings: my girlfriends.
Zen Moment
Remember, ‘No one’s more important than people’! In other words, friendship is the most important thing―not career or housework, or one’s fatigue―and it needs to be tended and nurtured.”
-Julia Child
