What’s Your Story?

 “I am constantly telling my own story to myself, and these days that’s about all the narrative flow I can handle.” 
― Andrew Clements

Last January, Steve and I decided to spend each Thursday night studying Buddhist philosophy with our friend, Carl Jerome.  We spent the year thinking about concepts related to impermanence, abundance, scarcity, duality, attachment and time.  All of them are worthy of thought and deep consideration (stay tuned for 2020), but it was one of our earliest conversations around “our stories” that really caught my attention.

We had many debates about what “our story” was, conventional truth, and the effort we expend to support our version of the facts, as so aptly noted by Andrew Clements quote.  Carl challenged us to re-consider our stories and if they served us well.

Imagine these holiday scenarios…

“Our son is bringing home his new girlfriend, who is a committed vegan …a) Our traditional Christmas dinner featuring beef tenderloin has been ruined” or  b) “I’m excited to find a new Christmas recipe to add to my collection.”

“I’ve been standing in line for 20 minutes trying to check-out when a complete stranger gets in line behind me.  He only has 2 items in his basket and asks if he can move ahead of me and I think…a)  How rude…” or b)  I’m in no rush and can wait an extra minute, so I happily let him check-out ahead of me.”

 “Our daughter won’t be spending the first night of Hanukkah with us this year, so…a) “I’m feeling sad that our family will be separated on that night for the first time since she was born.” or b) “I’m so grateful that our daughter’s world is expanding and she’s been so warmly welcomed by her new husband’s family to celebrate the holiday.”  

The same set of facts, same story, same outcome – right?

It’s interesting to observe that as the internal narrative shifted, the story completed changed. Disappointment became excitement, irritation became grace and sadness moved to gratitude.

After our class I decided to spend the rest of this year testing his hypothesis by trying to shift my perspective on a variety of situations.  I wondered if it could really be that easy. The answer “Yes” – with most stories it actually worked and I observed a complete shift in my feelings.

I’m not suggesting that it was always simple and truthfully I couldn’t re-write all of my stories.  It would also be (in my opinion) faulty thinking to suggest that situations around loss, separation or illness can be transformed simply with a new narrative.   Additionally, belief’s around what is “right or wrong” are deeply rooted in our psyches.

Having said that while I’m not suggesting it is a simple process, I am suggesting it’s worth consideration, especially as we move into a season that is dominated by “the story.”

On a closing and celebratory note, Jane and I (along with our entire team) have enjoyed sharing our stories with you over the past year look, and forward to co-authoring new ones in 2020!

Happy Holidays!

Author’s Note

My family and I recently carved out a few hours to watch Tom Hank’s new movie, “A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.”  It’s a tale about forgiveness, and was a wonderful reminder of the positive impact Fred Rogers had on so many people.

Zen Moment

I like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending.

-Fred Rogers